Self confidence

Self confidence. Some people have it, some seem to not even know what it means. Where does it come from? I, personally, should be fairly self confident. My parents are, I’ve been brought up to believe in my self, and it has had some effect. I have a great sense of self worth! I do not find my self worthless or unimportant. BUT, when it comes to confidence, I just can’t seem to get it right.

This is most evident in relation to relationships, and how to engage in romantic ones. And I of course realize that this is stupid, but when ever I am faced with the issue, I crumble. I have no problem addressing high-flyers at the University, but faced with a woman I am interested in, and I don’t seem to have any guts at all. It’a a tragic thing.

I would seem I am not alone in this. A literary reference (or I could be wrong and this is a quote from the movie) would be for instance Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, where Ron bemoans the fact that Harry stoutly fights dragons, but just can’t muster the courage to ask a girl to the Yule Ball.

Why do females intimidate us men so much. We are supposed to be capable of fighting, hunting and be heroic in general (I mean, let’s face it, genetically the purpose of men are to shag for babies and fight each other…). But, faced with a woman we have feelings for, and even the strongest man shrink at sight. Why is this? Is it some sort of a mother complex, are we really so weak?

In my own case I’ve also started to see a pattern concerning my friends. Many of them, both men and women, have, independently of each other, told me I am a rather strapping young man and definitely a bit of a catch. Why is this so hard to take in? Why is the positive stuff so much harder to listen to than the bad. And the bad is just in my head! The more I think about this the less it makes sense. Whoever came up with the preposterous idea that humans are, on the whole, rational beings didn’t really observe humans, now did they? We are emotionally driven creatures, with abnormally large brains.

At the end of the day, it may be a very simple solution that is required. And that is to channel the genetic courage from millennia of surviving (after all, we are the best based on darwinian principles) tigers, wolfs and fleas. What the world needs now, is love, sweet love, and a gargantuan portion of courage!



5 responses to this post.

  1. Great post! When we become more confident about ourselves, then we also increase our self-worth. What we think becomes what we are. So, it is important that we dwell on the brighter side of things.


    • First, thank you very much.

      Second, I believe you are right. It is important to think i terms of ‘it can be done’, rather than the opposite. It is, at times, very hard though.


  2. My take on self confidence is that it is the lack of fear in a given situation. The fear in question is the fear of the consequences following what you presume to be potential mistakes, to be specific.

    Imagine a person who has absolutely no regard for any consequence of his actions. Someone who simply cannot conceive of any sort of problems a misstep would cause. There’s your 100% self-confident person.

    I’ve found it’s usually a good idea to think hard and figure out what it is I’m afraid of, when I feel my confidence is low. Usually the answer lies buried beneath several layers of pseudo-answers, but when I get to the core of it, I find my fear is often based on unreasonable assumptions.

    As ever, it’s a matter of getting to “Know Thyself”.


    • Yeah, those greeks had most of the answers already. I agree with that. The trick is to get through all that pseudo-crap and down to the core of your person. And yes, often the assumptions do turn out to be unreasonable to say the least. But, still, it is a difficult thing.

      BTW, should I interpret that as you are not entirely in favor of 100% self-confidence?


      • Well… put it this way: I believe that a rational and accurate perception of a situation is the best. The person I gave as an example doesn’t believe in any dangers at all. Most real people on the other hand fear things which aren’t real problems – and sometimes they’re simultaneously oblivious to the real dangers.

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