Love…

It is time for me to bare my heart for a moment. Other people chose do that in a diary, but on the other hand they talk this stuff over with friends. And that is something I am not yet ready to do. Also I’d like to add a disclaimer, no I don’t think I’m anonymous on the net. I think I am one of the most easily tracked down people I know. It’s just, being disembodied helps me be more me, in a way.

Love is a strange thing. When you have it, you are often not sure if it’s true, and the you lose it, and at once you realize just how much you were in love. That was me, about six months ago. I don’t think I realized how much I actually loved my wife, until she went away. Now? I don’t know. I still feel a pang of pain when I see her, but I would under oath tell you, that is not the person I married. I can’t put my finger on what or why, but there is something about her I do not recognize. Would I want her back? Put it like this, right now I feel like if I never saw her again, that would be one week too soon…

These days I have another form for problem. What to do when love strikes again. Now, I have always had an easy time getting infatuated with women. I think I may be harder pressed to fall in love, as it were. One reason for the latter is that I am shy, and have low self-esteem (though a good sense of self-worth, these are not the same thing). I have never really had the guts to tell a girl that I might be interested in her. Why you ask. I don’t really know actually. On the one hand, that is. The reason the old me, the one still inhabiting part of my mind, would give, is that they would laugh at me, humiliate me, be disgusted or that I would ruin a good friendship. Because that adds to the complexity of the problem, I tend to get infatuated by women I know. I don’t have to know them well, but I rarely fall for strangers.

I look around and I see people with much more of a weight problem than I have, finding plenty of girlfriends/boyfriends. Why shouldn’t I be able to get “my share” so to speak? The truth, of course is, that when you don’t tell said girl what you feel, how the hell would she know. Which in turn, turns this in to an excellent Catch 22. (Probably not quite right, but you get my drift…) I mean, even as I write this my heart is pounding in my chest, and I feel faint. The mere thought of telling a woman, and yes as may have guessed there is a special someone I am thinking about, makes me feel queasy.

It’s a sad state of affairs, and I really do not know what to do about it. Should I tell her, and risk all that, or leave it be and just hope that she is happy, while potentially remaining single and unhappy myself?

Question – Do I think you need to be a couple to be happy? Well, no. But I am more and more sure I do. I think that is very personal, and I work best in a duo.

If she ever were to read this, though I don’t think she even has an inkling as to my feelings for her, I guess what I would like to tell you goes something like this:


I think you are amazing. You make a room brighter by your mere presence. You make my heart smile, and I drown in your mysterious eyes. I am by no means sure what it is I am feeling for you, I just know that my heart aces when I’m not near you. Would you consider going to the movies with me, and maybe to a restaurant some time. Just for a date. I would be the happiest man on earth if you said yes. Then we could spend some time trying to find out what my feelings are, and if they are mutual.

I think I may be in love with you, would you be interested in finding out together?

Thobias

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Wow, that is certainly one of the most beautiful pick-up lines I’ve ever read! But it seems a little risky too…

    I’m sticking with my “numbers-game” theory on the whole thing. In that sense being infatuated as you are seems a little like going “all-in” in a poker game. Actually, come to think of it – poker might be a good game for practicing skills in the romance-arena.

    Anyway: good luck, play it cool and be patient.

    Reply

    • Risky, yes. But as I said, I’m getting tired of playing it safe! But so far, I’m not further into things more than writing it on a blog, free for the world to read, while not daring to tell the person in question…

      I like the numbers game, but I don’t know what hand I have right now. (BTW have you been watching ‘Pirates of Silicon Valley’ one too many times? Sound a bit like Bill Gates here… ^^)

      Thank you, and yes, I’ll be as patient and cool as I can.

      Reply

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